This story features a teen suicide by drowning, descriptions of pain and panic, and talk of severe depression. If you do not like or cannot handle these topics, please leave now or use your blacklist. It is nobody's responsibility but your own to make sure you don't see things you can't handle here.

Drowning
I don't remember how I got here. Everything is a blur in my mind, and I can't make out what I'm seeing anymore. My eyes burn, it hurts to keep them open, but I'm too afraid to close them. I feel weak and tired, I think I fought too much. I thought I wanted out, but I made my decision without thinking clearly. It's coming back to me, I can see it. 
I was sitting in my room alone, just crying. I don't remember why, I just remember feeling so cold inside. This crushing weight in my chest telling me it was time to go because nobody wanted me. It wasn't true, I knew that, deep down. No matter how bad it felt, I knew they were always there for me. Don't listen to the voice.
I thought this would be easier. I didn't think It'd be this scary, I didn't think it'd be this painful. I didn't think.
Fuck, I want to go home. Why can't I move, why can't I fight anymore? They could be talking me through this right now, making me feel better. They always make me feel better, no matter how bad it gets. God I'm so fucking stupid.
I'm so stupid. I'm so fucking stupid. I didn't even tell anybody where I was going, I didn't even say goodbye. I didn't want anybody to try to stop me, but now that's all I want. I want someone to stop me, save me. Fuck I'm so scared, it's so cold down here. The pressure is too much, they never said how much this would hurt.
It was supposed to be easy. God, I must look so pathetic right now. If someone pulled me out, I can't imagine I'd ever get dry again. Who knew you could cry under water. 
My chest hurts, but I don't have any fight left in me. I had to take a breath, it hurt too much, but now it hurts even worse. Why did I choose water? Oh yeah, because I can't swim. Man, I even thought about that before I came here. I'm a fucking squirrel, of course I can't swim. Stupid.
The surface is just a bright blob now. I don't know how far away it is, but it keeps getting smaller and smaller. It's getting dark down here, I'm so scared. I want to go home.
I want to go home. 
I want to go home.
I want to go home!
Please help. Somebody, anybody. Make it stop. I can't breathe, my lungs hurt. The water hurts so much, it burns my lungs. I can't cough it out, I'm so scared. Fuck, what do I do. I can't swim, I want to go back up. Please, please, please! Let me back up! FUCK!
My stomach hurts, I'm so full of water. My lungs are full, I keep trying to breathe on reflex but all it does is burn and make me sink faster. This water is so gross, I didn't think the lake was this deep. My mind is racing so fast, I'm such a fucking idiot. Why did I do this, why couldn't I just wait until tomorrow. I know I'd feel better if I just waited. I know it would have gone away. It always goes away. Fucking idiot.
I wonder how long it will take them to notice I'm gone. I hope it doesn't hurt too bad, but I know it will. I hope someone finds me soon. I'm sorry I didn't leave a note, sorry I didn't say goodbye. Fuck, I just want to wake up and have this be a dream. Please.
Wake up.
Wake up. Wake up wake up wake up!
No, this is real. I did this, and now I have to deal with the pain until it's over. I can't move anymore. You fucking idiot, Dexter. You stupid fucking piece of shit why didn't you just wait! They would have talked you down, they always talk you down. 
There's no tunnel, no light at the end of it, there's only darkness. Everything is fading now, I can't see the surface anymore. My heart is slowing, but it's beating harder. I don't want to die, my body doesn't want to die. I want to get up and keep going. Why did I do this?
I just wanted the pain to stop. It always hurts so much for no reason. Why does it hurt when nothing is wrong? Why does it feel so lonely sometimes even when I'm surrounded by my favorite people? People who love me for me, not just what I can do for them. Why does it hurt? Please, make it stop hurting. I want to be okay, I want to be normal. I want to wake up and tell them I love them. I love them so fucking much. 
Everything is fading. It's so dark, so cold. My heart isn't beating anymore. This feels wrong. Mom, I'm scared. Please take me home.
I'm sorry.