-- Chapter 6: Saints and Scrappers --

The two woke up on the couch together the next morning. Suki was awoken by a big squeeze from Gristi. They took a shower together. When they dried off, there was a knock at the door. "Come in." Gristi said as if he was expecting them. "Uncle Gristi!!" Two children, one about 8 years old and the other about 6, shouted in Ergonese and ran to hug Gristi. They were offset from center for obvious reasons. Suki had gotten dressed. "Hey, sis." Gristi said and kissed the woman that was with them on the cheek. She looked the same age as Gristi.

"Don't tell me you took in another foster kid, Gris." She said, looking at Suki. "Hey! I'm not that short!" Suki retorted. "This is Suki. He and his friend are out touring Rayken, so I thought I'd show them around." Gristi said to his sister. "Oh, that's wonderful. Well, we're taking The Horseshoe to see Grandma. We just wanted to stop by." "No problem. Great seeing ya." Gristi hugged his family. They left. "Explains how you're so gentle." Suki muttered to Gristi in English. "Eh, their dad is kinda in and out of their lives, so I've been like a second father to them." He replied, but didn't elaborate. "I'm gonna get dressed, just so you're not thirsting all the time." Gristi nudged Suki and went to his bedroom.

The trio filed into Gristi's car. He took off toward the city. The drive over was short, about 10 minutes, but the scenery was great, and the rolling hills meant you kept focused while driving. The "Welcome to Preztiag" sign went past. Then a gentleman's club. Suki's gaze locked onto it. The sign indicated that it was for sale. "Never seen a gay man look so intently at a titty bar." Haji quipped. "One man's trash is another man's treasure. Say, Gris, is there an arcade in town?" Suki asked. "Nope. Only county in the state to not have one." Suki looked back at Haji and smiled. That was his "devious plan" smile. If there wasn't anywhere else, Preztiag was the place they would build. Gristi put the indicator on. To the right was a brutalist brick garage with a flag-lined lot of used cars out front and a scrapyard out back. To the left was a mid-century modern car museum. Ironic.

Gristi pulled up to the gate and honked twice. A muscular woman with long hair walked out. She was only wearing baggy cargo pants and boots and had grease stains all over. Her breasts were small, but still big enough to sway. "Hey, bud!" She said in Ergonese as she leaned in the car's window. "Here for another inventory check?!" She said excitedly. Her accent was hard to pin down. Maybe Canadian plains meets Appalachia? "Who're your friends?" She asked. "Suki and Haji." Grist introduced the two. "Couple of Jaekipian tourists I met on the train. Thought I'd show 'em around town. This one's gay." Grist whispered. "Oh! Shit. Sorry." The woman stood up straight. "Well, I guess I got somethin' for ya, then." She unzipped her pants and pulled her underwear down. Her penis was about 16cm and had a long, thick foreskin. "Not bad." Suki said.

She walked out of her pants and opened the gate for Gristi. "Well... that's gonna be another definition of an alien 'third encounter." Suki said in English. The whole car laughed. The woman put her pants back on and got into the car. Gristi drove into the scrapyard. It looked much like an Earthly one, but the cars were twisted and torn. "What's your name?" Haji asked. "Javalynn." "Are some of you guys just named for things in English?" Suki commented to no one.

"So, uh, how do Ergonian scrapyards work?" Suki asked. "Most cars on Ergon are considered repairable. Flood damage? Repairable. Front end smashed in? Repairable. Rollover damage? Probably repairable. There's a high requirement for how damaged a car needs to be to be scrapped, especially considering that you can scrap a car on Earth if you feel like it. Basically, you take a car to its dealership or a government-approved garage - like Jav's - if you think it should be scrapped. It then undergoes a 17-step inspection, usually overseen by a government-employed scrutineer. If approved for destruction, it'll be sent to the nearest scrapyard. Then, people have one month to come here and scavenge parts. After that period, a certified technician from the vehicle's manufacturer will come out and retrieve any remaining good parts. Then, pssh, it gets recycled." Haji explained with a crushing gesture.

"Crushin' 'em is fun," Jav said in English. "Wanna try?" "Since when did you speak English?" Gristi asked Jav. "I'm not even sure if I said the right thing." Jav laughed. "You said you want me to crush a car." Suki said. "Okay, good, still got it." Gristi parked. Suki and Jav got out of the car and into a crane. It was a diesel-powered unit, probably from the 1930s. "You don't have any magnetic storage devices on your person, right?" Jav asked. "Nope." Suki replied. "Alright. This is your left track and this is your right. Push both forward to go forward, and one forward and one back to turn. You rotate the cab with this, and this puts the arm up and down. This big red button turns the magnet on and off." Jav explained the controls. "Got it." Suki replied. Jav gave him the keys. He turned the crane's engine on. It rumbled to life and belched black smoke. It vibrated the whole machine.

"Shoot the gap between those cars. Look for ones with orange X's on them. Those are ready for the crusher." Jav instructed as Suki drove the crane down an aisle. He spotted one ahead. He stopped the crane and lowered the magnet onto some generic 1970s gold-coloured four-door before activating it. The magnet whirred to life, and the car jolted. He lifted the crane's arm up, carrying the car with it. The car's body and frame were twisted, and only the body panels remained. Suki carefully placed the bent car on a conveyor belt. The conveyor took the car into a metal tunnel where it stopped. A large hydraulic press flattened the car. The conveyor belt turned back on automatically and spat the car out onto the ground behind the crusher. "Wow, you're pretty good at this!" Jav remarked. "Many hours spent in sim games. Nobody tell Keith I'm doing this." She didn't know who Keith was, but his secret was safe with her.

Suki drove the crane back to the row of cars. "Hang on!" Jav said. Suki stopped the crane. She hopped out and pulled orange spray paint from her pocket. She marked a white four-door with an X. Despite X not existing in the Ergonese alphabet, it was still used for multiplication and as a marking. The car she marked was in remarkably good shape. Perfect, except for a smashed-in front end. It looked like a late-model Ford Falcon. "You sure that one goes?" Suki shouted from the crane. "Yeah. It's got a D-Licence." A destruction licence! Now it makes sense. Destruction licences can be issued to any new vehicle that is purchased outright or traded for at a dealership. It ensures more violent motorsports can be held while not destroying potentially historic vehicles. One of the 17 steps during scrapping is checking if a vehicle is historic - you don't want to scrap the first car a famous rockstar owned, even if he wrapped it around a telephone pole in 1986.

Jav hopped in the crane as Suki picked the car up and crushed it. The next car made Suki literally stop dead in his tracks. It was a cherry red 1957 Chevrolet Bel Air. It had a poorly done flame job and had a bent frame and body. Jav could tell Suki was hesitating. "It's a '94 build. Some idiot rich kid had it as his third car and tried to re-create that scene from The Blues Brothers." Well, that lessened the blow. Suki picked it up and put it in the crusher, but both looked away when it got crushed. Some people shouldn't have nice things. "You wouldn't lie to me, right?" Suki asked Jav quietly, barely audible over the machines. "No. I make a living off of being honest. I don't lie to people. Plus. The government wouldn't have ever let an actual '50s car be scrapped unless... well, unless it looked like that one." Jav said, pointing to another white car marked with an X. It looked like a roadster that had been bent into a triangle shape.

"Fatal." Jav commented. It should have given Suki chills, but it didn't. He was too disconnected from people for it to register. He put it in the crusher. Next was a strange one - only a bent frame, covered in dozens of small orange X's. "That was a fun one. That truck came from one of the coastal towns in the state. Guy lived right on the waterfront." Suki picked the frame up - it audibly snapped. "We got a snapper!" Jav cheered out of the cab at Gristi and Haji. "Anyways, guy had already took every other part off the thang and left only the frame and about 100 kilos of odds 'n' ends - which was picked over by the vultures within a week. You can skip the crusher and put it right on the pile." Suki did as instructed.

There was only one marked car left. It looked like some 1980s fastback that had been in a demo derby. It was rattlecanned black with neon green racing stripes and wheels. It was so beat up that the vultures left the wheels on it, and not even the manufacturer wanted them back. Whirrr... CLINK. Suki took it to the crusher. "Alright. You be a 'deer' and wait here. I'm gonna bring the flatbed around." Jav hopped off the crane and ran to a truck parked nearby. Suki wasn't good with trucks, but it had to have been from the 1970s. Suki manoeuvered the crane next to the crusher. The crusher had shut down - it was equipped with a pressure sensor to save on fuel. Suki helped Jav back the semi up and then loaded it up with the crushed cars. "I'll strap 'em down later. We can go back to the entrance now." Suki got into the big rig, and Jav drove to the entrance. They disembarked. Gristi was chatting with Haji, before he turned to Jav.

"That's a good pick right there, Gris!" Jav said, pointing to the car he was standing next to. "Thing got a DL in '87 but was never used. It just rotted in a field. If you can get the rust off the thang and re-do the wirin', she'll be a brand-new car. It's yours for... hmm... seven and a half." The car was a sporty-looking 5-door fastback, somewhere between an Audi quattro and a Honda Accord. It was only missing a headlight and side mirror - vulture pickings. Gristi produced a 5,000-credit bill, two 1,000-credit bills and a 500-credit bill. "I'll get you wrote up and get you a title. Want me to throw out the DL?" Jav said to Gristi. Gristi said yes. Suki's mind was blown. You could buy cars that had D-Licences? Not only that - you could buy cars from scrapyards?! In current year?! And swap frames like it was nothing?? Stop selling. Suki was already in love with this planet.

"Y'all two head next door. I got paperwork to do." Jav told Suki and Haji. They bowed and said thank you. They walked across the two-lane highway to the museum next door. "I think I'll have my drone order in by tonight, barring any unforeseen consequences." Suki told Haji in English. "Well, we don't have any government research facilities trying to open portals to other worlds, so we should be okay." Haji got the door for Suki. Suki thanked him, and both went inside. The entrance was flanked by checkerboard floors and a variety of cars. Ten on the right, ten on the left, separated by a 5 metre space down the middle. They even had a small aeroplane hanging from the ceiling. "Would you gentlemen like a tour?" The receptionist asked. The duo said yes at the same time. She spoke into the intercom. Soon, a man who looked a lot like Javalynn walked out.

"Welcome, gentlemen, to the Korone Automotive Museum." The man said. His name tag read Woxres. He saw the grease on Suki's hands. "I'm guessing you two met my sister across the highway." The duo nodded and smiled. "Well, whereas cars go to die there, cars go to thrive here." His voice was smooth and a little light. He had a very slight southern twang. "That's alright, we don't need the..." Haji said while making a strange gesture with his hands. Woxres sighed as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. "A lot of my friends are rednecks. You don't have to pretend for us." Suki said with a smile.

"Thank god!" Woxres said, clapping his hands together once. "Call me Woxxie." He offered a handshake. The two introduced themselves as they shook hands. "Right, so, this museum is something my sister started in 1997. It started with one car - this one right here." He motioned to a 1949 Buick four-door. It was surprisingly rusty, had only three hubcaps, and looked as if it still got driven regularly. "This was my first car. I was 14, Javvie was 20. When we were driving home from buying it back in 1990, she told me, 'Woxxie, one day, we're gonna have a big building full of old cars." As Woxxie continued the backstory, Suki spoke to Haji in English. "So... with the Preservation Act being a thing... what are even in museums?" "Vintage builds, 'famous' builds, race cars, low-production cars." Haji explained.

"...And every room is themed. This room houses the first 10 cars we acquired for the museum - and the only aircraft. I'll show you around - feel free to ask questions." Wox said smugly. "Why don't you start with the plane?" Suki asked. "Absolutely. This is a 1959 Cessna 172. It was the first single-engine aircraft to fly a lap around Rayken. The feat was accomplished in 42 hours back in 1964. The craft then remained in private hands. We acquired it recently when it came up for auction." The craft was in pretty nice shape - it had probably gotten a paint job within the last 5-10 years.

"This is the second vehicle we acquired for the museum. 1928 Denton Sedan. Purchased new by a town doctor; those who knew him said that he 'could outdrag the moonrunners' when out on a call. We found it in a barn for 4,500 credits." The car's paint was matted black, but it was in pretty good condition. The more Suki looked around, the more he realised that not one of these cars was showroom new. This wasn't like any Earth museum. This is patina preservation at its finest. The museum tour lasted four hours. Haji got a little bored, but Suki had a twinkle in his eyes the whole time.

By the time they left, Gristi had pulled his car up. "Well, y'all saved yourself from being dragged around in a grocery store. Got my shopping done when you was in there. Still wanna hit the town?" He asked in English. Suki nodded. Haji rolled his eyes, but he had to stick with Suki. It's what he got paid to do. The three got into the car, and Gristi headed into town. This side of town was mostly suburban, dotted with a couple of parks. The very brutalist brick high school was located on this side of town, built in 1930, according to the plaque on the front. The city followed the same new-old-oldest format as many others on Ergon - 1950s outskirts, with a colonial interior sandwiching Victorian buildings.

Downtown had a large park in a square in front of the courthouse - similar to many towns in the American Southeast. The commercial buildings downtown were smaller and simpler than in Dukungo. Mostly boxy one- or two-storey buildings with some hitting three. They were all mom-and-pop shops. City Hall was a Spanish colonial-style building with a single towering spire in the middle and a notable lack of a rotunda.

About a kilometre north of downtown was the rail line. It was three tracks wide and was flanked by about 10 metres of grass on either side, with a road running alongside the tracks on the other side of the green. It was a railfan's dream - there were no stop signs on the road, and only the north/south roads had stop signs. Gristi pulled up on the road - only the south side allowed parking, the north side was lined with no parking signs. The three got out of the car. "You mentioned you wanted to find a place for railfans - this is one of the best places in the country for that. This is a main line. About... 100 klicks that way is where this line meets the HSR line." Gristi said, pointing to the West. "There's a huge railyard in the next town over, about 20 klicks that way." He pointed East.

The crossing barriers looked old - like the ones you might find on a vintage Lionel model train layout. "There's a train station on the East and West ends of town. That's where the town's commercial districts are." Gristi said before motioning to the North. "There's more suburbs out this way. The city's original Victorian-style middle school is also on this side of town. Beyond that, it turns into farm land." Suki looked to Haji and nodded. "We already know a mechanic in town, and if we can buy that happening bar and renovate it? Whoa. Two out of three right there."

"Say, are there any sporting goods stores in town?" Haji asked Gristi. Gristi clapped his hands and was about to get into his car when a train sounded its horn. It sounded distinct and very old. Gristi turned around and walked to the sidewalk on the North side of the road. The duo followed him. Gristi pulled a DSLR camera from his backpack. It was some Ergonian brand that was equipped with a 15-400mm lens. There were quiet zones, which were employed in Preztiag and Dukungo, but the Ergonian government requires a train horn to be sounded every kilometre in a quiet zone, which was denoted by a crossing without barriers. There was one about 4 blocks east of the group - it had Griswold-style signs guarding the crossing.

"It's a GG1." Gristi didn't need to check a timetable or even his watch. The locomotive's distinct horn was enough for him to tell. "This thing's gonna blow our doors off. It should be going full tilt by the time it reaches us, unless someone has a flag stop at the other station. It'll be on the Northernmost track, that's the only electrified track." The train came into view as a singular headlight in the distance. It accelerated pretty fast for something so large and heavy. The horn cadences - the same pattern used in the USA - got closer. The train was upon them in about three minutes. Gristi took lots of photos as it passed. It rocketed by - it was going 160 kp/h, and all you could hear were the wheels whirring by and the clickety-clack of the track. Dust trailed the streamlined locomotive and its 10 passenger cars. "We good?" Suki asked as the train became distant again. "There should be a grain manifest on track 2 in twelve minutes..." Gristi said. Haji took him by the collar back to the car.

Gristi begrudgingly took them to the town's sporting goods store, which was on the Northwest side of town. It was located on a river. The sign read, "KAMIKAZE BIKE SHOP (and other sporting goods)." The trio got out of the car. "Ken is kind of... out there. But she's a good soul." They walked inside. I Wish You Were a Beer by Cycle Sluts from Hell played over the shop's muzak. Then they saw her.

The shop's purveyor was a broxce (an Ergonian anthro rodent) with long, messy black hair and dark brown eyes that you could only see the colour of when the light shone in them. Her fur was olive green and white with a patch of freckles on her face. Her patterns resembled a striped skunk and had a spiral swirl tail. Her skin was pale tan. She had a very masculine body and could easily be mistaken for a man (or a seeba), given how her jacket - a surplus 1940s Jaekipian Imperial Army infantryman one - added even more bulk. The flag on her shirt also helped obscure the curvature of her chest. The flag was a saltire with a large dot in the middle. The background was white, the stripes and dots were red with a blue pinstripe. There were six stars on each stripe and three in the dot - one prominently in the centre with two smaller stars flanking it. It was the flag of Weasauppen - Suki had recognised it from being flown all over town. The rest of her outfit consisted of khaki cargo pants and black combat boots. A patch on her jacket read KAMIKAZE, though she would normally just go by the Earthling "Ken" as that was an abbreviation of her surname. Her government name was Qamakosei Tanaken. The Weasauppens were a proud bunch. They led an insurrection when the government wanted to have them connected to the more touristy West Coast of Rayken, which led to a short conflict that resulted in Weasauppen and what would now be called Long State separating.

Ken looked up from the extreme sports magazine she was reading in a lounged position behind the front desk. "Who're the fags?" Ken asked. Suki had to imagine a keyboard in front of him to make sure she really just said that. "Gahd" - yep, that's right. The slur has different origins on Ergon, however. Being a language based on English (albeit not knowingly), Ergonese onomatopoeia are usually the same as in English. "Gahhoy" - Ergonese for "faggot" - was first published in an 1886 gay adult zine. The comic which the slur originates from a pirate parody called Arse Pirates. It was created by a gay man who was a real seafarer as well as a man with a scholarly interest of Earth. The comic, where a character is about to say "got it" before being sodomised, leaked out into the mainstream for being unintentionally hilarious, and the phrase "gahhoy" became weaponised by the planet's mostly-quadsexual population. Despite straight and gay sex being legal on Ergon from the beginning, quads still discriminate against the straights and gays.

"I mean you. Four eyes that's too lazy to dress himself properly but self-conscious enough to make sure his hair is straight... and spreadsheet over here." She had to reach for an insult for Haji as he was so... blank. She then popped open a can of... salmiak soda? Good lord, not even Lena would go that far. The brand was literally "MASOCHISM" - apparently, they sold a wide range of unpopular, acquired taste delicacy flavours. The music changed drastically when the Cycle Sluts song ended. Suki recognised it instantly - it was an early Shrapnelsound release. If this were a dude - which Suki falsely assumed Ken was - he would be sucking and fucking in less than five minutes from now. Ken's voice was deep and gruff, perhaps what one would think a stereotypical biker chick would sound like. There was a bit of goth chick rasp to it, and her accent was American with a slight southern twang, but also a bit of East Asian-American and African-American tinges.

"Are you a chick or a dude?" Suki had learnt to ask. The way he said it was him attempting to be "cool." Ken laughed. She stood up and lifted her shirt - she wasn't wearing a bra - and pulled her pants down a bit. Dang. "Is this your girlfriend?" Suki asked Gristi sarcastically. "You think I'd fall in love with this simp?!" Ken was suddenly speaking English. She meant "simpleton" and not "desperate seeker of sex," though that might not have been far off. "How did you even find this music? I didn't hear about Shrapnelsound until I was 22, and I'm from Jap--Jaekip." Suki sounded amazed. "ErgoBuy is a wonderful place when you start purposefully misspelling keywords." Ken smiled and took another sip of her drink.

"You know this guy's a fucking alien, right, Grissie?" There was a record scratch sound effect - some Ergonian hardcore hip-hop song had begun to play in the background. Gristi looked at Suki. "How--" Suki began to ask. Ken cut him off. "Your ass has been all over the news, brother." She changed the channel on the TV, which was playing news about Suki's visit. "Don't tell me all you've done so far is talk to bumpkins that don't read the news." "Well, we did meet the Korones..." Suki said. Ken laughed. "Love those two idiots! If it wasn't for the river runnin' through my back yard, I'd live on their side of town." She said with a smile wide enough to park a haul truck in. "The others we spoke to were road tripping and probably listening to mixtapes instead of the news." Haji interjected.

"Well... since the tongue has slipped out of the mouth... we wanna set up shop in Preztiag." Suki told Ken. "We?" Ken asked sharply. "My friend's business empire. He has a garage, and he oversees his friends' garages, arcades, and sports shops." Suki explained with a smile. "So your friend - I'm assuming from Earth because this guy looks like he doesn't know a tyre rod from a tie rod - wants to go into business with me." Ken recapped. "This guy" was, of course, Haji. "Well, this is going to be a big project. So it won't be immediate." Suki explained shyly. "Well, is dude's business' going well on Earth?" "Well enough for four franchises of everything." Suki quipped like a sassy secretary.

Ken stood up. "I'm interested. Keep me posted." She said. "Be sure to tell the Korones, too. They'll be our garage franchise. You guys don't even need to change the names of your businesses, and, likely, don't need to change how you run them." Suki said with a smile. "So, what are you gonna do for that arcade?" Ken asked. She was actually interested in this project. "We're going to see about buying that happening bar outside of town." Suki said. Ken looked confused. "Happening bar? I know we're a quarter-century behind Earth, but don't tell me everybody's reverted to 1950s dialects there." "Strip club. He means the strip club. The Front and Centre." Gristi corrected. "Thank fuck! You know the owner of that place knuckled me over once?"

There was an awkward pause. Gristi wanted to speak but didn't know how to broach the subject. He decided to anyway. "Did you... work there?" He asked cautiously. Even if they were friends, he knew Ken had anger issues. "No! Are you kidding me? I felt up one of his girls. He tried to start static and... well, he had to wear sunglasses for a week after. Blacked both his eyes." She said, pointing to her own. "These tits couldn't get a 12-year-old off." She joked, grabbing them. "Keith'll like you." Suki said to Ken.

Gristi took Suki and Haji back home - although they stopped at the rail line again, and got takeout on the way home. Suki got on his laptop and told his friends about who he met that day. They encouraged him. "Haji, do I have to go home if this is mission complete?" Suki asked. "Hmm... I wouldn't think so. We haven't got visas figured out yet." Haji laughed. "I want to go back to the cool grey crew and finish their road trip with them." Suki said, which made Haji smile. It disappeared quickly. "Do you know when they finish?" Haji asked. "They said it'd take them a little over two weeks. They started... six days ago. So they have half their trip left." Suki said and sent a message. The response was decently quick - Tixi was keeping them on schedule. "They'll be in... Yinecea? When they turn in tomorrow." Haji clapped in response to what Suki said. "I'll book a flight and send your AA there." Haji said. Suki hugged him.